bittersweet things in life

Rasanya sesak, seperti ada tangan tak kasat mata yang menggenggam paru-paru dengan erat, menghalangi setiap helaan nafas, menghambat hembusan resah. Rasanya susah, teringat kamu disini dan disana, ingin ketemu kamu sebentaaaarrr saja, lalu tiba-tiba sadar bahwa kamu tidak merasa yang sama. Rasanya pedih, ketika rasa rindu diungkap dengan susah payah, namun kamu diam saja, seakan bilang rinduku ini tak punya arti, seakan berkata aku bodoh sekali. Rasanya sakit, lagi-lagi menangis karena kangen kamu setengah mati, padahal kamu sama sekali tak peduli. Aku ingin tahu apa yang kamu rasa, tapi tak berani bertanya. Ingin tahu apa arti diammu, apakah artinya aku tak boleh rindu? Maaf bila rasaku ini mengganggumu. Apa sih arti diammu? Betulkah aku tak boleh rinduimu? Ataukah artinya kamu juga rindu aku?

Waktu denger bahwa kerjaanmu, yang kamu kerjakan sepenuh hati, disebut sia-sia.... Sakitnya tuh disini *nunjuk dada*.   Sumpah, aku ngerjain kerjaan itu bukan karena pengen dilihat atasan. Bukan karena pengen disebut rajin. Bukan karena pengen cari muka. Murni karena emang harus dikerjain. Gak lucu kalo ada temuan pas audit cuma gara-gara hal kecil itu. Tapi kamu, dengan mudahnya bilang sama orang lain bahwa kerjaan aku sia-sia. Bahwa sebenernya itu ga usah dikerjain. Well, kalo emang udah kamu kerjain tahun lalu, mana buktinya? Aku nyari-nyari buktinya ga ada. Aku tanya, kamu bilang belum dikerjain. Lalu, salah kalo aku yang ngerjain? Oooh.. iya, aku lupa. Emang harusnya bukan aku yang ngerjain ya? Harusnya kamu yang ngerjain, lalu kamu koar-koar ke semua orang bahwa aku ga mau kerja sama sekali. Ah, aku lupa, bahwa dengan aku ngerjain kerjaan itu, itu sama artinya dengan aku ngambil kerjaan kamu. Selalu begitu kan? Apapun yang aku kerjain, di mata kamu aku salah. ...

Be careful, my heart... For you might fall for him Him, that smile the widest Him, that being the nicest Be careful, my heart... For him might not feel the same Your smile he doesn't miss Your presence for him is only a breeze Be careful, my heart... Because you are stupid You can't see things clearly Then when you do, you're hurt Be careful, my heart... You already hurt so many times You have scratches and wounds I'm not sure you can be healed So, please, be very careful, my heart... Listen to the brain Listen to the logic Don't go around falling easily

Haduh haduuuuhh... Hati ini rindu sama kamu Sungguh! Padahal tadi pagi ketemu Padahal baru saja ngobrol seru Padahal bisa lihat fotomu selalu Haduh haduh haduuuuuhh... Aku kangeeeennn sama kamu Kangeeennn sama senyummu Kenapa ya aku? Ada apa sama hatiku? Ada apa sama otakku? Padahal kemarin tidak begini Kemarin kamu disini Dekat dengan diri namun tidak di hati Sekarang kamu lagi jauh Tapi heboh menguasai hatiku Ribut mengusik pikiranku Duh duh duuuuh... Aku rinduuuuuuu... Kamu sadar ga sih kalo aku begitu? Serius nih aku rindu Rindu kamu dan semua tentang kamu Tapi aku malu... Kamu, kamu, kamu! Ada disini dan disitu Di hati dan di otakku Kamu, kamu, kamu... Aku rindu... Rindu jugakah kamu padaku?

Yesterday I had dinner. :) With a friend. A male friend. The day before yesterday, he offered me to rode with him until BEC, which then I could continue my journey home using public transport. We already been a gossip topic in the office since we both single and available. But, we remain friends until now. When he dropped me off in front of BEC, I noticed that Yoshinoya (a Japanese restaurant) recently open in that mall. I text-ed him later in the night: Me (M): Ah, I forgot that Yoshinoya recently open their branch here. Some said that it tastes better than Hoka-Hoka Bento. Let's go there sometimes and try it out. Him (H): Tomorrow I'll go to BEC again. M: Really? Why? Didn't you find what you're looking for today? H: Yes, but I forgot someone's order. P: OK then, so tomorrow? H: Yes, tomorrow. Thus, yesterday, we had dinner there. Early dinner since we ate at around 5.30 pm. The thing that I respect from him is that I told him...

Birthdays.  It's either you're adding a number to your age, or you got one year less from your life quota. It's either getting older or growing up. Whichever, it's your choice. But, the most heartwarming is people are giving their best prayers to you. And that touches your heart, suddenly tears are in your eyes, and you smile the brightest smile. You are blessed. Believe me, you will feel blessed. Birthdays also bring people who are not as close as they used to, to be a bit closer. At least you will know who's still care enough and still consider you as their friend, that they're post something on your facebook wall or send BBM/Whatsapp or make a call to your phone. As you get older, or your life quota is lessen, you don't need parties. All you need is being with those you love, and those who love you. You don't need presents, you don't need surprises. You just need to have their prayers. And they give the best prayers. The prayers are...

Cewek.... Kalo cape, dan ga bisa diungkapkan, ujung-ujungnya nangis. Meh! *abis nangis*