bittersweet things in life

Sunday afternoon, raining hard. I'm at a cafe with my colleague-slash-friend, looking for a place with free wi-fi to download a report that's due on Monday morning. Not the kind of a typical government employee you had in mind, huh? Yep, we are not like those other employees that could lay back in work. We had a handful of jobs, tasks, reports and deadlines until mid December. Yay to us! Sometimes, I feel really exhausted. It seems that our bosses are taking granted of the fact that we are not married yet. Being the only two girls that's still single in our section, we are given more tasks than the other. The task amount sometimes are so different that we protest to them. Right now, my friend is updating and revising her part of the report. My part's already finished. After that, she needs to convert the report to pdf file, and then we will go to a printing station to print the report 10x. While waiting for the printing to be finished, we will go to another caf...

I hate myself Myself that impatient to almost everything Myself that easily get mad over little things Myself that get in a bad mood out of nowhere I hate myself Myself that couldn't think straight Myself that hurt my mom by putting on a sour face Myself that get too emotional when things go wrong I seriously hate myself today I hate that I can't be true to myself I hate that I can't apologize to my mon I hate myself! No one will like me, love me Why would they? Me, myself, don't even like me So, why am I still here? I want to disappear So the world could be a better place So I won't hurt anyone anymore So I don't hate myself I'm sorry for being me No, I'm sorry for being born I can't bring any good in my life I can only hurt other people

A typical Friday afternoon. Sitting on  my desk, feeling so tired of all the work I did this week, writing my things-to-do for next week, realizing how long the list is, taking a deep breath, looking at the clock and counting how many minutes before it's time to go home. I just had a long week, despite that this week only consists of 4 weekdays (we got  a holiday on Tuesday). My weekdays pass my mind as I stare at the clock in the bottom right corner of my laptop monitor. Monday was so-so, Tuesday was great since it's holiday and I got to had lunch with my friends, Wednesday started stressing me, Thursday was tiring since I have to go to Jakarta, and today was just ugh, make me wanna scream my lungs out. Then the sound of cars' horns hit my ears. At first I don't realize anything, but then I realize my room is not in the front part of the office. The horn's sound shouldn't be heard. What happened outside? I open the internet, type the website addres...

Rindu mengalahkan egoku. Ego untuk tidak ingin kamu bertemu dengan sahabatku. Hei, kita tidak ketemu waktu aku kesitu! Jadi aku berat mengetahui sahabatku mungkin ketemu kamu. Ah, tapi aku rindu kamu. Ingin sekali dengar kabarmu. Akhirnya tadi kukirim email padamu. Kulepaskan egoku. Kubilang sahabatku besok ke kantormu. Kutanya, dimanakah kamu? Lalu kamu balas emailku. Hatiku melonjak senang tak menentu. Tapi ketika kubaca bahwa kamu ada di kantor, dan akan bertemu sahabatku, tiba-tiba aku jadi sendu. Kenapa waktu aku kesana kita tidak ketemu? Apakah ini tanda kalau kamu bukan jodohku? Tapi aku naksir berat pada dirimu. Ah, kamu.. Sebegininya aku suka sama kamu. Hati ini sakit ketika aku kangen kamu. Kangen, rindu. Padamu. Ah, kamu.. Kasih dong kesempatan buatku. Karena aku sebegininya suka dan rindu padamu.

Kamu suka begitu.. Hari ini kasih kabar padaku Besoknya diam membisu Membuatku meragu Kamu suka begitu.. Suka PHPin aku Bikin aku senyum melulu Lalu termenung ingat kamu Kamu suka begitu.. Baik banget sama aku Tapi tetap terasa jauh Aku belum bisa jadi temanmu Kamu suka begitu.. Tapi meski kamu begitu Aku tetap suka sama kamu Selama matamu masih kelabu

Aku ingat Waktu itu hari Jumat Aku bermimpi tentang kamu Hei si mata kelabu Mimpi tentang cinta nan biru Malamnya kutulis sepucuk surat Kubungkus dengan doa dan asa Lalu kukirimkan melalui dunia maya Hari ini Di sore hari Gadgetku berbunyi Ada surat darimu!   Ketika melihat namamu Jantungku berdetak tak menentu Efekmu masih sebesar itu padaku Hanya membaca "Dear Putri" saja Hatiku jumpalitan ke angkasa Bisa kamu bayangkan bagaimana aku merasa Ketika kamu bilang mungkin kita bisa berjumpa? Aku tak kuasa menahan rasa ini Menahan senyum ini Menahan bahagia ini Bahagia itu sederhana Sesederhana sepucuk surat maya Sesederhana setitik asa untuk bersua Bahagiaku Masih berkutat di seputaran kamu Ya, kamu yang bermata kelabu Yuk, mari sama-sama berdoa Semoga lancar segalanya Dan kita bisa berjumpa segera

Pagi ini mimpiin kamu si mata kelabu. Mimpi yang agak rancu, seperti semua mimpiku yang lain. Di mimpi itu, aku dan kamu satu akomodasi, tidak sekamar, tapi berdekatan. Entah bagaimana caranya, entah bagaimana ceritanya, we kissed. I told you that I've never been kissed before, and you kiss me lightly. And you said that you've broken up with her, and that you want to take me to your home. It was such a nice dream.. And guess what? I might come to your country next month if everything runs smoothly. Should I send an email to you? I think I should. Dear grey-eyed man.. Please let my dream come true..

Apa sih yang gw cari dari seorang laki2? Kayanya ga muluk2 ah. Cuma nyari yang bikin nyaman, bisa diajak ngobrol tentang apa aja, yang berpikiran terbuka sehingga mau terima masukan dari seorang perempuan. Yang punya selera humor baik juga, supaya bisa ngetawain kebodohan masing2 dengan lapang dada. Gw nya sih ga masalahin latar belakang pendidikan, asal dianya juga ga masalahin pendidikan.. Tapi ya kalo boleh minta sih, jangan kejauhan lah pendidikannya. Ntar dia minder, gw yang repot. : p Tapi, perlu diakui gw ga terbiasa ngurus rumah. Bebersih, nyuci nyetrika, masak, things like that, I'm not good at . Gw terbiasa diurus, nyuci ke laundry kiloan, so it might be a huge turn off for some people. Gw mau belajar, tapi please be very very patient with me .. Gw kan wanita pekerja, nyampe rumah udah cape banget. So, if you're looking for somebody that fills most of the famous wife-criteria (e.g feminine, can cook and bake, good at housekeeping, an excellent accountant,...

Dear you... I guess you know, or at least sense, that I like you more than I should be I guess you know that I'm waiting for your emails I guess you know that I'm missing you like hell each and every day I guess you know my feelings for you Maybe that's why you only reply to my emails as you should be Maybe that's why you always mention your girlfriend in each email Maybe that's why you never tell long, unimportant stories in your emails Maybe that's why you carefully type your email so I won't misunderstood it Dear you... Well, it's true that I like you more than a friend But, I also know and realize that you're with her I won't do anything like stealing you away from her I know that there's a tiny weeny bit of chance for us to be together Dear you... Don't you worry, I only need time to get my heart to hear the logic of my brain Don't you worry, you won't hurt me if you be my fr...

Duhai kamu yang bermata kelabu Yang telah mengisi mimpi-mimpiku Kamu yang tawanya kurindu Yang obrolannya kunanti selalu Duhai kamu.. Sudah punya pacar ya, kamu.. Jantungku berhenti berdetak mendengar itu Aku susah nafas karena itu Ah, kamu.. Aku seharusnya tahu Tak mungkin orang sebaik dan selucu kamu Masih jomblo kayak aku Duh, kamu.. Ku terluka karenamu Boleh ya aku berharap kamu putus? Lalu jadian ma aku.. Hey, kamu.. I love you Sampai ketemu Mudah2an ada kesempatan buatku..

A bomb explode today. A bomb that shattered my heart and hopes. It feels like a bomb when you tell me that you had a girlfriend.. Deep inside, a part of me always know that there is no way a person as cute, funny, and kind like you hadn't had a girlfriend. Yet, I keep on hoping. Yet, I keep on falling. Now, I'm broken.. I'm broken.. But I know that it's time to let go. So that I could have a nice memory about you. About the whole you. Dear you, I planned to let this feeling go, but I can't.. I pray for your happiness, but I wish that you're happy with me.. Dear you, I will not let go 'till you tell me to.

God is very kind to me. After all this time, in just 2weeks he let me feel this feeling again twice. First is with him, 8years younger than me. Second is with you, someone from afar. I think my feelings for him is just a warm-up of my feelings for you. I didn't fall for him, I can like him as I should be, and I didn't want him to know my feelings. With you, it's different. With him, when I said my goodbyes, while knowing that we could still meet, I can let go my feelings in days. I can tell my heart to stop liking him more than I should. He's a colleague, a friend at most. And my heart can accept that. My heart doesn't shattered because of that. With you, while knowing that you would only be here for a few days more, I can't tell my heart to let go. With you, while knowing that our next meeting is as uncertain as the sun rises from the west, I can't tell my heart to like you just as I should. You're a colleague, but I want to be your friend at l...

Aku pernah bilang, kalau ingin sesuatu jangan ragu Aku pernah bilang, mau cari orang yang efeknya ke aku kayak kamu-yang-nyunda-itu Yang ketawanya membuat rindu Yang kehadirannya membuat nyaman aku Well, I've found you You make my world brighter everytime you smile Your smile is all I see when I close my eyes Your eyes make me drowned when you look at me Your presence takes my breath away But I'm afraid that we could never be Yesterday, I want to offer my companionship to you so bad But I just can't say the words And I regret it I regret it so much And so I tried other way A more subtle way But it's a dead end in that other way It's a dead end I know it's a false hope for you to feel like I feel But I just can't tell my heart to stop falling for you To stop wanting you To stop missing you I'm here Wanting you so bad Missing you like hell Loving you so much I'm here, longing for you.. Dear grey-eyed man Can't y...

Ada, ya, makhluk seindah kamu? God must be in a very good mood when creating you.. Mata abu-abu itu, rambut coklat itu Senyummu itu... Everything in you takes my breath away I was sucked into your eyes everytime you look at me Everytime you smile or laugh my world just stop revolving I just can't find the words to explain you Could it be love? We're too different Not in the same timezone or continent Also don't have the same religion or mother language I just want to enjoy your existence here Here, near me, even for just a few days I can't say that I want to accompany you here and there I'm becoming very shy if it's about you Dear, God.. The Almighty, The Merciful Please do show me the way I like him very much, so much that it hurts just to think that he will be gone soon If he's meant for me, please make it easy

Pernah merasa kalau judulnya terlalu indah, tapi belum tentu seindah kenyataannya?   Well, saat ini hampir semua orang, rekan kerja, memberi selamat atas suatu judul jabatan yang baru-baru ini gw dapet. I'm a staff of someone-important! When you look only at the title "staff of someone-important", I'm not blaming you for congratulating me. But, please, do hear my explanation about the job. Actually, I'm a staff of someone-important's staff. Bahasa Indonesianya, kacungnya kacung. :( And please, don't make gossip about it.   I'm tired of answering the question: so you will move to Jakarta soon? Trust me, I myself haven't been asked to move to Jakarta. So, don't ever think that you know more than me. And please don't make me feel uncomfortable because of that title. I'm still here, still the same person.    Well, the job hasn't started yet. So, I can't tell whether the job is as hard and exhausting as everybody said it...

"TRING!!" HP ku berbunyi, menandakan ada bbm yang masuk. FK Unpad dengan bangga mempersembahkan EYEGASMIC yang akan diselenggarakan di Sasana Budaya Ganesha pada tanggal 3 November 2012! Menghadirkan bintang tamu Adhitia Sofyan, Payung Teduh, White Shoes C.C., HiVi!, Maliq and The Essential, dan masih banyak lagi. Segera pesan tiketnya, harga presale 45ribu saja. "Okeee, ini salah kirim bbm, atau gimana yaa?", batinku dalam hati, melihat isi bbm dari kamu. Sudah agak lama kita tidak bertukar kabar, kok tiba-tiba isi bbm mu hanya begitu? Apa kamu salah kirim? Mau ikut nonton? Kamu kembali mengirim bbm. "Ooh, berarti tidak salah kirim.", batinku. Boleh, jam berapa? Malem, sepertinya. Si Ade mau nonton sama pacarnya, rumahnya kan deket ma rumahmu tuuh, jadi sekalian antar-jemputnya. "Ooh, pantesan ngajak aku.", aku terkikik geli. "Sebentar, Adenya sama pacarnya, aku sama kamu... Jangan-jangan nanti disangka double date sama oran...

Sekian lama tiada kabar dari kamu Iya, kamu yang nyunda itu.. Kabar terakhir, sudah dobel dirimu Hasil stalking fb teman-temanmu Sudah cukup lama hati ini kutata Supaya kalau ketemu lagi, tidak apa-apa Tidak sedih kurasa Dan bisa menikmati senyummu saja Tapi hari ini kamu kesini Memang sih, aku yang memanggil Kamu memesonaku, masih Dagdigdug tak karuan hati ini Untung ketemu hanya sebentar Jangan lama-lama Tiap kamu senyum dan ketawa Hati ini porak poranda Kamu... Ada ga orang yang kayak kamu? Yang senyum dan tawanya membuat rindu Yang kehadirannya membuat nyaman aku Lihat senyummu saja Hati ini jumpalitan tak karuan Pipi bisa-bisa memerah Senyumku dijamin langsung merekah Kamu... Bener-bener deh kamu Aku mau cari orang yang efeknya ke aku sama kayak kamu Doakan, ya, semoga cepat ketemu..

Alhamdulillah, setelah 2 hari yang lalu gw minta dikasih liat bintang ma Allah, kemarin pas bobo siang gw dikasih mimpi indah. Mimpi indah about love . :) Afterall, the stars represent love in my case, right? Mimpinya seperti biasa blur on details and a bit absurd. Hey, it's just a dream.. Ini yang gw inget dari mimpi gw, there are two guys . Yang satu temen SMP, yang satu gw awalnya ga inget kenal dimana tapi dia ngakunya kakak kelas pas SMA. Dua-duanya datang di waktu yang bersamaan, ke rumah, ketemu bokap gw, minta ijin buat deketin gw. Dikasih ijin, and so I went out with both of them in the same time . Kayak pergi maen gitu, ke mall bertiga. Lucu deh, mereka rebutan gitu cari perhatian gw, in a sweet way . Dua-duanya ngaku suka ma gw dari dulu, cuma baru sekarang berani deketin. Yang temen SMP, namanya Doni, seinget gw sih aslinya udah nikah. Mungkin dia cuma jadi pelengkap penderita aja di mimpi gw, hihihi. Toh, akhirnya, entah gimana caranya, gw jadi lebih sreg ma kang...