bittersweet things in life

Well well, there goes my best friend. :) Sahabat sekaligus rekan sekantor sudah dipromosikan untuk menjadi pejabat struktural di Jakarta. She'll move next Wednesday. I'm happy for her, but also a little bit sad because she'll be far. Ga cuma dia. Sahabat satu lagi juga sedang mengurus kepindahannya ke daerah, mengikuti suami. She'll have 3 kids soon, it would be best if she's near her husband. All in all, I'm left all alone. Not that it mattered too much, though. I'm sad, of course. But I want the best for them. After all, I'm "trained" to stand on my own, to survive alone. :) So, my dear best friend, good bye for now. Good luck in Jakarta. Hope you'll be as success as you always wanted to be. And to my other best friend, I hope your transfer process will be smooth and be done ASAP. I know that both of you will be far, but we will always be there for each other. Don't you worry, I'll be fine even though I'm alone. :) XOXO ...

Sunday afternoon, raining hard. I'm at a cafe with my colleague-slash-friend, looking for a place with free wi-fi to download a report that's due on Monday morning. Not the kind of a typical government employee you had in mind, huh? Yep, we are not like those other employees that could lay back in work. We had a handful of jobs, tasks, reports and deadlines until mid December. Yay to us! Sometimes, I feel really exhausted. It seems that our bosses are taking granted of the fact that we are not married yet. Being the only two girls that's still single in our section, we are given more tasks than the other. The task amount sometimes are so different that we protest to them. Right now, my friend is updating and revising her part of the report. My part's already finished. After that, she needs to convert the report to pdf file, and then we will go to a printing station to print the report 10x. While waiting for the printing to be finished, we will go to another caf...

I hate myself Myself that impatient to almost everything Myself that easily get mad over little things Myself that get in a bad mood out of nowhere I hate myself Myself that couldn't think straight Myself that hurt my mom by putting on a sour face Myself that get too emotional when things go wrong I seriously hate myself today I hate that I can't be true to myself I hate that I can't apologize to my mon I hate myself! No one will like me, love me Why would they? Me, myself, don't even like me So, why am I still here? I want to disappear So the world could be a better place So I won't hurt anyone anymore So I don't hate myself I'm sorry for being me No, I'm sorry for being born I can't bring any good in my life I can only hurt other people

A typical Friday afternoon. Sitting on  my desk, feeling so tired of all the work I did this week, writing my things-to-do for next week, realizing how long the list is, taking a deep breath, looking at the clock and counting how many minutes before it's time to go home. I just had a long week, despite that this week only consists of 4 weekdays (we got  a holiday on Tuesday). My weekdays pass my mind as I stare at the clock in the bottom right corner of my laptop monitor. Monday was so-so, Tuesday was great since it's holiday and I got to had lunch with my friends, Wednesday started stressing me, Thursday was tiring since I have to go to Jakarta, and today was just ugh, make me wanna scream my lungs out. Then the sound of cars' horns hit my ears. At first I don't realize anything, but then I realize my room is not in the front part of the office. The horn's sound shouldn't be heard. What happened outside? I open the internet, type the website addres...

Rindu mengalahkan egoku. Ego untuk tidak ingin kamu bertemu dengan sahabatku. Hei, kita tidak ketemu waktu aku kesitu! Jadi aku berat mengetahui sahabatku mungkin ketemu kamu. Ah, tapi aku rindu kamu. Ingin sekali dengar kabarmu. Akhirnya tadi kukirim email padamu. Kulepaskan egoku. Kubilang sahabatku besok ke kantormu. Kutanya, dimanakah kamu? Lalu kamu balas emailku. Hatiku melonjak senang tak menentu. Tapi ketika kubaca bahwa kamu ada di kantor, dan akan bertemu sahabatku, tiba-tiba aku jadi sendu. Kenapa waktu aku kesana kita tidak ketemu? Apakah ini tanda kalau kamu bukan jodohku? Tapi aku naksir berat pada dirimu. Ah, kamu.. Sebegininya aku suka sama kamu. Hati ini sakit ketika aku kangen kamu. Kangen, rindu. Padamu. Ah, kamu.. Kasih dong kesempatan buatku. Karena aku sebegininya suka dan rindu padamu.

Kamu suka begitu.. Hari ini kasih kabar padaku Besoknya diam membisu Membuatku meragu Kamu suka begitu.. Suka PHPin aku Bikin aku senyum melulu Lalu termenung ingat kamu Kamu suka begitu.. Baik banget sama aku Tapi tetap terasa jauh Aku belum bisa jadi temanmu Kamu suka begitu.. Tapi meski kamu begitu Aku tetap suka sama kamu Selama matamu masih kelabu

Aku ingat Waktu itu hari Jumat Aku bermimpi tentang kamu Hei si mata kelabu Mimpi tentang cinta nan biru Malamnya kutulis sepucuk surat Kubungkus dengan doa dan asa Lalu kukirimkan melalui dunia maya Hari ini Di sore hari Gadgetku berbunyi Ada surat darimu!   Ketika melihat namamu Jantungku berdetak tak menentu Efekmu masih sebesar itu padaku Hanya membaca "Dear Putri" saja Hatiku jumpalitan ke angkasa Bisa kamu bayangkan bagaimana aku merasa Ketika kamu bilang mungkin kita bisa berjumpa? Aku tak kuasa menahan rasa ini Menahan senyum ini Menahan bahagia ini Bahagia itu sederhana Sesederhana sepucuk surat maya Sesederhana setitik asa untuk bersua Bahagiaku Masih berkutat di seputaran kamu Ya, kamu yang bermata kelabu Yuk, mari sama-sama berdoa Semoga lancar segalanya Dan kita bisa berjumpa segera